The Colorado Counseling Podcast

In this self-help episode, listeners will discover techniques to reconnect with their inner peace and quiet their minds. The episode helps listeners step away thoughts and practice letting go to the weight of overthinking and how it affects anxiety. Through breathwork and visualization techniques, listeners will learn to create distance from racing thoughts, find clarity, and cultivate a sense of well-being. Listeners will complete a body scan and affirm the importance of mindfulness and self-compassion. The episode concludes with gentle affirmations to promote calmness and balance throughout the day.

Welcome to another episode of the Colorado Counseling Podcast, presented by Overcomers Counseling. Today, we're exploring Dialectical Behavior Therapy, commonly known as DBT, a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy.
The term 'dialectical' refers to the blending of two opposites in therapy — acceptance and change — aimed at enhancing a person's emotional and mental well-being. Developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan in the late 1980s, DBT was initially designed to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder and chronic suicidal thoughts.
DBT merges traditional cognitive-behavioral techniques for managing emotions and verifying reality with concepts of mindfulness, distress tolerance, and acceptance. The therapy aims to help individuals understand and manage their feelings, improve relationships, live in the moment, cope with distress, and enhance their quality of life.
Over time, DBT has evolved to address a range of mental health challenges that can potentially jeopardize a person's safety, personal relationships, career, and emotional health.
So, how can DBT help with specific conditions? Well, let's start with grief. We will explore how DBT therapy can be used for working through grief, offering strategies to manage the intense emotions that come with loss.
We'll discuss how DBT can help those dealing with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), providing tools to manage intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.
We'll also delve into the use of DBT therapy for depression, highlighting how it can empower individuals to regulate their emotions and lead fulfilling lives.
We'll look at the potential of DBT for PTSD, exploring how this therapy can help individuals navigate through traumatic memories and develop resilience.
If you're a mental health professional, someone dealing with these conditions, or just interested in understanding therapeutic approaches, this episode is for you. Let's dive into the world of DBT together.
How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Can Transform Mental Health
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has emerged as a groundbreaking approach to managing mental health challenges. DBT offers hope and healing to individuals navigating complex emotions, intense mental disorders, and daily life struggles. Whether it's addressing grief, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression, or other mental health conditions, DBT equips individuals with practical skills to improve emotional balance and overall well-being.
What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
At its core, DBT is a form of talk therapy rooted in cognitive-behavioral principles. Unique to DBT is its focus on balancing two seemingly opposing concepts—acceptance and change. This therapeutic approach recognizes the necessity of validating a person’s current emotional state while simultaneously encouraging healthier ways to cope and grow.
Through DBT, individuals learn to tackle challenges like emotion dysregulation, interpersonal difficulties, and behaviors that may cause harm. With its emphasis on building a "life worth living," DBT focuses on equipping individuals not just to survive but to thrive.
Core Principles and Skills of DBT
DBT is anchored in four main skill modules that work together to address mental health challenges.
1. Mindfulness Skills
Mindfulness is about remaining present in the current moment, accepting experiences as they are, without judgment. These skills help individuals experiencing grief, depression, or other mental health conditions to reduce the sting of emotional pain by fully accepting their thoughts and feelings.
For example, mindfulness can be a powerful tool for grief. A grieving individual learns to remain present with their emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them, fostering healing over time.
2. Distress Tolerance
When emotions become overwhelming, distress tolerance skills provide healthy coping strategies to manage the intensity. Rather than exacerbating situations through impulsive actions, individuals learn techniques like radical acceptance and self-soothing to handle difficult emotions without making the situation worse.
For example, someone with OCD might feel the need to perform a compulsion in moments of intense anxiety. Through distress tolerance, they can find alternative ways to endure the emotional discomfort without resorting to the compulsion.
3. Emotion Regulation
This module provides skills to identify and manage intense emotions constructively. Through emotion regulation, individuals learn to break free from persistent negative emotional states and cultivate positive emotions to enhance mental health.
For someone with depression, these skills may involve identifying triggers, reframing thoughts, or practicing self-compassion to reduce feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness
Conflict and relationship struggles are often exacerbated by mental health challenges. Interpersonal effectiveness helps individuals nurture healthy relationships, assert their wishes respectfully, and maintain self-respect during interactions.
These skills are especially helpful for individuals managing mood disorders or borderline personality disorder. For example, the "DEAR MAN" skill—Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindfully, Appear confident, Negotiate—teaches individuals how to communicate effectively while remaining calm and respectful, even in emotionally charged situations.
Transforming Mental Health with DBT
1. DBT for Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, but for some, the weight of this emotion becomes overwhelming, leading to complicated grief. DBT acknowledges these powerful emotions, offering tools to both accept and process them. Skills like mindfulness can help individuals experiencing grief remain present with their pain, while distress tolerance teaches ways to endure the most intense moments of sorrow.
Take Jane, for instance. After losing her daughter, she felt immense pain that traditional therapy couldn’t fully address. Through DBT, Jane learned to cultivate acceptance of her emotions using mindfulness and to rely on coping strategies to endure the tough days.
2. DBT for OCD
Living with OCD often means grappling with intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors. DBT introduces individuals to healthier ways of managing these symptoms without falling into the cycle of compulsions.
Mindfulness teaches awareness and acceptance of obsessive thoughts without judgment, while distress tolerance helps reduce suffering by equipping individuals with strategies to handle the anxiety triggered by these obsessions. Some DBT therapists also incorporate exposure and response prevention (ERP), a specialized approach to managing OCD symptoms.
3. DBT for Depression
Depression often feels like a heavy fog, affecting daily life and relationships. DBT brings targeted methods to help manage the challenges of this condition. Emotion regulation tools can help individuals identify the emotional triggers of depression and reduce their power.
For those battling depression, the distress tolerance module provides actionable skills for navigating crisis moments, while interpersonal effectiveness skills offer support in maintaining healthier relationships. Through mindfulness, individuals can learn to observe their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them, fostering a healthier mindset.
4. DBT for Other Disorders
Beyond grief, OCD, and depression, DBT touches many lives by addressing conditions such as borderline personality disorder, PTSD, eating disorders, and substance use disorders. These mental health challenges often involve intense emotions that DBT methods are uniquely suited to manage.
For example, DBT can help someone with PTSD learn breathing techniques to remain present during flashbacks or use coping skills to ease intrusive memories. Meanwhile, individuals with eating disorders may benefit from emotion regulation and self-compassion practices, nurturing a more positive self-image.
What to Expect in DBT Treatment
Individual Therapy Sessions
DBT involves personalized, one-on-one sessions where individuals apply DBT skills to their specific challenges. These sessions often focus on problem-solving and developing strategies to manage intense emotions or destructive behavior patterns.
Group Skills Training
Group sessions provide a safe environment for individuals to learn and practice new skills alongside peers. These sessions are structured to explore DBT’s four primary modules, offering opportunities to strengthen and apply these skills collaboratively.
Phone Coaching and Therapist Consultation Teams
DBT therapists often provide phone coaching to support individuals outside of sessions, reinforcing the learned skills during real-life situations. Additionally, therapists themselves collaborate through consultation teams to ensure effective and empathetic care for their clients.
Finding Support Through DBT
If you’re ready to take the first step toward a healthier, more balanced mental state, finding the right therapist is crucial. Seek a licensed mental health professional trained in DBT to guide you through this transformative process. Initial sessions are designed to understand your unique needs and discuss how DBT principles can fit into your life.
With commitment and practice, DBT offers tools to help individuals express feelings, regulate intense emotions, and build healthier relationships. Whether you’re navigating immense pain, coping with day-to-day stress, or striving to manage a diagnosed mental illness, DBT empowers you with the skills needed to thrive.
A Life Worth Living
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is more than just talk therapy—it’s a blueprint for building a life worth living. By focusing on radical acceptance, mindfulness, and emotional regulation, DBT helps individuals remain present, manage pain, and nurture self-respect.
Every step you take in DBT is a testament to your strength and resilience. It’s not about eliminating difficulties but learning healthier ways to respond to them. If you’re managing grief, facing OCD, or battling depression, then DBT can guide you toward healing, growth, and a better quality of life.
At Overcomers Counseling, we believe in the power of DBT to transform lives. If you’re ready to begin your journey, we’re here to help. Reach out to us today to discover how Dialectical Behavior Therapy can support you in creating the future you deserve. Remember, every small step forward is a victory, and every effort to heal is a sign of courage.

Welcome to another enlightening episode of the Colorado Counseling Podcast, presented by Overcomers Counseling. Today, we take a look into a powerful psychotherapy technique known as EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
EMDR has been instrumental in helping people cope with trauma and other distressing life experiences. Our goal for this episode is to demystify EMDR, breaking down its process, and shedding light on how it can be an effective tool in your healing journey.
EMDR is a type of psychotherapy designed to alleviate symptoms stemming from distressing and unresolved life events. It uses a structured approach to address past, present, and future aspects of disturbing memories, which you can learn more about through our individual EMDR counseling services.
The premise behind EMDR therapy is that our brains have an inherent ability to process experiences and move towards mental health. However, traumatic events can overwhelm this natural process, leading to distressing symptoms.
EMDR utilizes a patient's rapid, rhythmic eye movements to treat these symptoms. These eye movements help to lessen the intensity of emotionally charged memories from past traumas, enabling people to cultivate healthier coping strategies.
If you're wondering about what to expect from EMDR treatment in Aurora, CO, we have a comprehensive guide to help you understand the process better.
For those interested in how EMDR can be used specifically for addiction treatment, we recommend our product, 'Rewiring the addicted brain with EMDR-based treatment'.
Now, if you're asking the question - What is EMDR?, we're here to provide the answers. So sit back, relax, and let's embark on this journey of understanding EMDR together.
 
EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, commonly known as EMDR, is a groundbreaking therapeutic method that has transformed the way people process trauma and emotional distress. Since its development by Dr. Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, EMDR has gained widespread recognition as an effective treatment for trauma-related mental health conditions such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and depression. Using a structured, eight-phase approach, EMDR therapy helps individuals confront and reprocess traumatic memories, enabling them to achieve emotional healing and a renewed sense of balance.
What is EMDR?
EMDR therapy is a comprehensive treatment approach that focuses on facilitating the brain's natural healing processes. According to the adaptive information processing model, traumatic memories can become "stuck" or improperly stored in the brain, leading to emotional distress, negative beliefs, and physical sensations. EMDR therapy uses a unique technique called bilateral stimulation—such as guided eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones—to help process these traumatic memories and reframe them with more adaptive, positive cognitions.
What sets EMDR therapy apart from traditional talk therapies is its emphasis on targeting past traumatic memories, present triggers, and future coping strategies within a structured treatment process. The result? A significant reduction in emotional distress and improved mental health.
The Eight Phases of EMDR
The EMDR treatment process is organized into eight distinct phases, each designed to ensure safety, effective memory reprocessing, and measurable progress.
1. History Taking
The first phase involves gathering detailed information about the client's trauma history, current emotional challenges, and treatment goals. During this phase, the therapist develops an EMDR treatment plan tailored to the client's specific needs, identifying target memories and potential triggers for desensitization and reprocessing.
2. Preparation
The therapist prepares the client for EMDR therapy by explaining the treatment process, addressing any questions or concerns, and teaching relaxation techniques or coping skills. This phase establishes a strong therapeutic relationship and ensures the client feels safe and supported throughout the treatment.
3. Assessment
Here, the therapist helps the client identify a target memory and its associated negative beliefs, emotions, body sensations, and triggers. The client is also encouraged to establish a positive belief (such as "I am strong.") to replace the negative belief during later phases of the process.
4. Desensitization
The desensitization phase is the heart of EMDR therapy. The client focuses on the target memory while the therapist guides them through bilateral stimulation using directed eye movements, hand tapping, or auditory signals. This process reduces the emotional and physical distress tied to the memory, allowing the client to reprocess it in a healthier way.
5. Installation
During this phase, the therapist helps the client strengthen the chosen positive belief, integrating it with the reprocessed memory. For instance, instead of associating a traumatic memory with feelings of helplessness, the client may associate it with the belief "I overcame this."
6. Body Scan
The body scan phase focuses on identifying and releasing any residual physical sensations related to the traumatic memory. By addressing lingering physical responses, the therapist ensures complete resolution of the emotional and somatic effects of the trauma.
7. Closure
At the end of each session, the therapist ensures the client feels safe, stable, and grounded. Relaxation techniques or coping strategies may be employed to help the client manage any emotional reactions that arise after the session.
8. Reevaluation
The process concludes with a reevaluation of the client's progress. The therapist assesses changes in emotional responses, negative beliefs, and triggers, determining whether additional EMDR sessions are needed or new treatment goals should be set.
Benefits of EMDR Therapy Procedures
The benefits of EMDR therapy are profound and multifaceted. By targeting the underlying causes of emotional distress, this effective treatment can help individuals gain relief from overwhelming emotions, transform negative beliefs, and develop new coping skills.
1. Trauma Resolution
EMDR therapy has proven highly effective in treating PTSD and trauma-related distress. By enabling clients to process traumatic memories within the adaptive memory network, EMDR reduces the intensity of emotional responses while encouraging healthier emotional regulation.
2. Relief from Emotional Distress
Conditions such as anxiety, panic disorders, and depression often stem from unresolved trauma. EMDR helps clients reprocess distressing memories, replacing negative emotions with more positive cognitions that promote mental well-being.
3. Efficiency and Flexibility
Unlike traditional talk therapy, which may require years of sessions, EMDR is designed to achieve results in a shorter time frame. Furthermore, its versatility allows it to be adapted to address conditions such as phobias, addiction, eating disorders, and grief.
4. Accessible for All Ages
EMDR therapy is suitable for children, adolescents, and adults alike. The process is customized to accommodate the individual's developmental stage and unique experiences, making it a widely applicable mental health treatment.
Criticisms and Clarifications
While EMDR has its critics, particularly regarding the role of bilateral stimulation, research continues to validate its use as an effective treatment for trauma and PTSD. Studies from organizations such as the American Psychological Association and the World Health Organization support EMDR as a first-line treatment for trauma-related conditions. Any remaining controversies highlight the need for further research and exploration to refine the therapeutic process further.
Finding an EMDR Therapist
If you believe EMDR could be beneficial for you, finding a qualified EMDR therapist is critical. Look for professionals with specialized EMDR training and experience working with trauma-related conditions. Many mental health organizations, such as Overcomers Counseling, can connect you with certified practitioners who are ready to provide compassionate care and guidance.
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The EMDR therapy treatment approach offers a unique and powerful pathway for healing from trauma and emotional distress. Its structured eight-phase process allows clients to safely process past memories, manage present triggers, and build future resilience. Whether you're addressing PTSD, anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, EMDR therapy provides a chance to replace negative beliefs with positive emotions and create healthier coping strategies.
At Overcomers Counseling, we're dedicated to supporting your mental health journeys with evidence-based treatments like EMDR. If you're considering exploring this therapeutic process, take that courageous first step and connect with our experienced therapists. Every moment you invest in your healing counts, and you deserve a life free from the burdens of unresolved trauma.
The power to heal is within reach. Consider EMDR as a tool to unlock the brighter, healthier future you deserve.

Welcome back to the Colorado Counseling Podcast, proudly brought to you by Overcomers Counseling. In today's episode, we're taking a close look at Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, also known as ACT.
The core principles of ACT revolve around six key processes: contact with the present moment, cognitive defusion, acceptance, self as context, values, and committed action. Together, these processes aim to foster greater psychological flexibility. By cultivating this flexibility, people can better accept reality as it is, detach from unhelpful thoughts, identify their deeply held values, commit to actions that align with these values, maintain a broader perspective, and fully engage in the present moment.
But how exactly does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy work? We'll explore this question and shed light on the journey toward psychological flexibility.
We'll also be comparing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety. Both have their strengths and applications, and understanding the differences can help you choose the most suitable approach for your needs.
We'll explore how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help those struggling with anxiety. Anxiety can be a debilitating condition, but with the right tools and support, it doesn't have to control your life.
If you're a mental health professional, someone dealing with anxiety, or simply interested in understanding different therapeutic approaches, then this episode is for you.
What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a psychological approach rooted in contextual behavioral science. Its core idea is simple yet profound — it encourages individuals to practice acceptance of their thoughts, emotions, and feelings instead of avoiding, suppressing, or battling them.
In doing so, ACT helps people achieve psychological flexibility, which is the ability to adapt to the present moment and take actions aligned with personal values, even when faced with difficult emotions or life challenges.
Where traditional therapies may aim to reduce emotional discomfort or manage negative thoughts, ACT focuses on helping individuals build a rich and meaningful life, regardless of the emotional or physical discomfort they may experience.
The Six Core Processes of ACT
ACT therapy revolves around six interconnected processes that foster psychological flexibility. These processes help individuals move toward a life guided by their values while effectively managing emotional pain and difficult thoughts. Here’s how they work.
Contact with the Present Moment
Staying fully engaged in the here and now, rather than getting lost in regrets about the past or anxieties about the future. Mindfulness skills are key to achieving this.
Cognitive Defusion
Learning to see thoughts as just thoughts, rather than as facts or predictions. Detaching from unhelpful beliefs helps reduce their emotional impact.
Acceptance
Acknowledging and allowing emotions and thoughts to exist without judgment or resistance. This reduces experiential avoidance, where people try to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Self as Context
Recognizing that you are more than your thoughts, feelings, or experiences. This broader sense of self allows for greater resilience when faced with setbacks.
Values
Identifying what truly matters to you — your core values — and using them as a compass for your decisions and actions.
Committed Action
Taking steps toward goals that align with your values. This involves behavior change strategies rooted in perseverance, even in the face of obstacles.
These processes enable a person to lead a rich and meaningful life, becoming better equipped to handle emotional discomfort while staying aligned with what’s important.
How ACT Differs from Traditional Therapies
While cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) focuses on changing or challenging negative thoughts and behaviors, ACT adopts a different approach by aiming for psychological acceptance rather than symptom elimination. Here are some key differences.
Symptom Expectations
CBT often seeks to reduce symptoms (e.g., stress, anxiety, or physical pain) to achieve preexisting functionality. ACT sees symptom reduction as a byproduct of aligning with values rather than the main goal.
Thought Management
CBT encourages re-framing or disputing irrational thoughts. ACT, on the other hand, promotes techniques like cognitive defusion to acknowledge these thoughts without becoming entangled in them.
End Goals
CBT typically targets resolution of specific problems, while ACT focuses on creating a roadmap for living a rich and meaningful life through continuous engagement with values-based actions.
Addressing psychological suffering through acceptance and mindfulness exercises, ACT fosters a long-lasting, values-driven approach to life, rather than a temporary fix.
The Role of ACT in Mental Health
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has proven effective in addressing a wide range of mental health conditions and challenges. Below are some of the ways ACT supports individuals in different areas.
Anxiety Disorders
With anxiety disorders like generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder, ACT shifts the focus from eliminating anxious thoughts to accepting them as part of the human experience. Through mindfulness techniques and cognitive defusion, individuals observe their anxiety without reacting to it. Staying aligned with their personal values can help loosen anxiety’s hold on their behavior, allowing for meaningful life activities despite discomfort.
Depression
For those experiencing depressive symptoms, ACT emphasizes the acceptance of difficult feelings without judgment. Cultivating psychological flexibility, individuals can experience negative emotions without letting them dominate their actions. Instead, ACT focuses on increasing engagement in values-based behaviors, encouraging positive action even amidst emotional pain.
PTSD and Chronic Pain
ACT presents a helpful approach for individuals with PTSD or chronic pain. Instead of avoiding trauma or physical sensations, ACT encourages acceptance and committed action to rebuild a fulfilling life. Practicing mindfulness helps individuals stay present rather than reliving past trauma or focusing on pain symptoms, and clarifying values empowers clients to create forward momentum.
Substance Abuse and BPD
ACT can assist individuals grappling with substance abuse or borderline personality disorder, where patterns of avoidance and impulsivity often cloud values-based decision-making. Fostering psychological flexibility and focusing on behavioral therapy strategies, ACT helps clients manage urges and build positive habits aligned with personal goals.
Practical Insights for Mental Health Professionals
For mental health professionals, ACT expands the scope of tools available for guiding clients toward meaningful change. Unlike more prescriptive therapies, ACT offers flexibility in application — therapists can customize interventions to meet each client’s unique needs. The model’s emphasis on collaboration and empowerment makes it an appealing addition to various therapeutic contexts, from one-on-one sessions to group therapy formats.
Developing strong therapeutic alliances built on empathy and respect.
Using experiential exercises to demonstrate mindfulness and values-based action.
Teaching clients how to identify and connect with their own core values.
Modeling acceptance by practicing small, daily acts of mindfulness themselves.
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a powerful, evidence-based approach to fostering resilience and psychological well-being. Its emphasis on mindfulness skills, cognitive defusion, and value-driven living offers individuals a roadmap to transcend the struggles of daily life and focus on what truly matters. While emotional discomfort, stress and pain symptoms, or challenges like anxiety and depression may arise, ACT teaches us that acceptance, coupled with intentional action, is the key to building a more meaningful existence.
If you’re a clinician exploring ACT interventions or someone ready to explore new tools for personal growth, then this therapy model holds the potential to reshape both how we view our struggles and how we move forward.
Learn more by tuning into the full podcast episode or exploring ACT literature—because meaningful change begins with understanding and action.

In this episode, we'll be exploring Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) services in Colorado Springs, a powerful approach in managing and overcoming anger issues. CBT is a form of psychotherapy that assists individuals in understanding the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It's been the subject of extensive research and has demonstrated significant success in helping people handle their anger in healthier ways.
Whether you're struggling with anger issues, know someone who is, or are simply interested in learning more about mental health care options, this episode is for you. We'll delve into helpful CBT skills for anger management, and explore how CBT can help stop 'mind reading' - a common cognitive distortion that can exacerbate anger issues.
Furthermore, we'll discuss how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can boost self-esteem, which is often affected by unmanaged anger. So, sit back, relax, and join us on this journey of understanding and managing anger through CBT.

In the latest episode of the Colorado Counseling Podcast brought to you by Overcomers Counseling, we talk about the complex issue of stonewalling and disrespect in relationships.
We explore what stonewalling means and how it can be detrimental to a relationship's health and progress. We discuss why partners shut down during conflicts, and provide practical advice on how to talk to your partner when they shut down.
We also probe deeper into the philosophical and scientific reasons behind grief in relationships. This includes understanding the emotional responses that contribute to stonewalling and disrespect.
We offer affirmations you can use to communicate better with your partner, and ways to respect and value yourself when facing disrespect. For those seeking actionable steps, we share steps to take when your partner disrespects you.
The episode further emphasizes the importance of therapy and counseling in addressing these issues. We discuss how relationship therapy for couples can be a beneficial tool in managing and overcoming relationship challenges.
Whether you're in Colorado Springs or Aurora, Overcomers Counseling provides tailored therapy for couples to help navigate through these difficult situations. Tune in to gain insights and practical advice on improving communication, fostering respect, and cultivating healthier relationships.
 
 
We’re exploring a communication challenge that can unravel even the strongest of bonds - stonewalling. If you’re aware of this behavior or discovering it for the first time, learn about what stonewalling is and learning how to address it is key to improving your relationships and fostering emotional intimacy.
What is Stonewalling?
Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from a conversation or interaction, either emotionally or physically. It can take many forms, such as avoiding eye contact, giving one-word answers, offering the silent treatment, or simply refusing to engage in the discussion. Individuals stonewall for various reasons, but the result is often the same—emotional withdrawal that can leave the other partner feeling frustrated, ignored, or hopeless.
Picture this scenario. You’re sharing your feelings with your partner, and suddenly they stop responding. They cross their arms, look away, and become totally unresponsive. You ask them to speak, but they remain silent, creating an emotional barrier that feels impossible to penetrate. That’s stonewalling behavior in action.
Stonewalling is one of the “Four Horsemen” of relationship breakdown identified by relationship expert John Gottman. Left unaddressed, it can erode trust, reduce understanding, and cause relationships to become emotionally disengaged over time.
 
Why Does Stonewalling Occur?
People stonewall for a variety of reasons, but it is often a defense mechanism. Here are some common causes of stonewalling in relationships:
Feeling OverwhelmedFor some, shutting down is a way to reduce stress when emotions run high. They feel unable to communicate effectively and rely on self-protection by disengaging.
Conflict-Averse BehaviorCertain individuals simply don’t know how to handle conflict and avoid it at all costs. By emotionally disengaging, they hope to bypass the discomfort of disagreement.
Unresolved IssuesStonewalling can stem from deep-seated, lingering tensions in the relationship. When such a thing persists, it becomes harder to communicate about even unrelated topics without triggering a shutdown.
Intentional StonewallingAlthough less common, some engage in intentional stonewalling as a form of emotional abuse. This involves deliberately creating an emotional distance to punish or control the other partner, leaving them feeling demeaned and invalidated.
Unintentional StonewallingNot all cases of stonewalling are intentional. Some individuals may not even realize they’re disengaging emotionally. They may simply lack the tools to express their feelings during heated moments, leading to two-word responses or complete silence.
Understanding the underlying cause is essential in addressing stonewalling. It’s not always about refusing to listen but often stems from a desire to self-soothe when emotions feel overwhelming.
The Impact of Stonewalling on Relationships
Stonewalling doesn’t only affect the immediate conversation—it can have significant long-term consequences for the relationship itself. Here are some ways stonewalling negatively affects romantic relationships, friendships, and even workplace interactions:
Erodes Emotional IntimacyWhen one partner consistently disengages, it creates an emotional barrier. This can leave the stonewalled partner feeling dismissed, invalidated, or unimportant—all of which reduce intimacy over time.
Builds ResentmentWhen communication breaks down repeatedly, conflicts aren’t resolved, and small misunderstandings can fester into larger issues, leading to feelings of anger or disdain for both partners.
Causes MiscommunicationWithout conversation, assumptions take over. This can magnify misunderstandings, leaving individuals feeling frustrated and disconnected.
Impacts Mental HealthFor both partners, stonewalling can take a toll on emotional well-being. The person who shuts down may feel guilty or isolated, while the other partner may experience anxiety, depression, or a sense of hopelessness.
If stonewalling continues, its effects spread far and wide, impacting trust, emotional safety, and a couple's ability to work through issues. However, there are ways to address it effectively and rebuild communication.
Strategies to Address Stonewalling
Overcoming stonewalling takes patience, understanding, and a willingness from both partners to heal harmful patterns. Here are some practical strategies to bridge the communication gap and create a safe space for both parties to express themselves.
1. Create a Safe Space
When stonewalling occurs, the individual shutting down is often in a state of emotional overload. Instead of pushing them to talk, acknowledge their feelings and provide reassurance. Saying something like, “I understand you’re feeling overwhelmed; I’d like us to discuss this when you’re ready,” can go a long way in de-escalating the situation.
2. Take Breaks
Sometimes, the best thing you can do during emotionally charged conversations is to pause. Suggest taking 15-20 minutes to self-soothe, allowing both parties to regain composure. Come back to the conversation with a calmer, clearer perspective.
3. Use ‘I’ Statements
Avoid phrases that feel like accusations. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try expressing, “I feel hurt when we can’t share our feelings openly.” This reduces the chance of triggering your partner's reaction to defend themselves.
4. Address Stonewalling Behavior with Empathy
Instead of focusing on how the behavior makes you feel, try to explore the underlying cause with curiosity. For example, “I’ve noticed you tend to shut down during arguments. Is there something I can do to help you feel comfortable speaking?”
5. Practice Active Listening
When your partner stonewalls, it may reflect their fear of being misunderstood or judged. Show them you’re fully aware of their emotions by practicing active listening. This involves maintaining eye contact, paraphrasing their concerns, and asking thoughtful, non-judgmental questions.
6. Seek Professional Help
If stonewalling in a relationship has become a recurring issue, consider working with a relationship therapist. A mental health professional can help both partners develop communication strategies and unravel the deeper emotional challenges contributing to stonewalling.
7. Focus on Self-Care
Both partners can benefit from investing in their mental health. Engage in activities that lower stress and build resilience, such as mindfulness practices, journaling, or simple self-care routines like yoga or walking in nature.
8. Celebrate Positive Change
If your partner begins to engage in conversations more openly, take the time to reinforce this behavior. Statements like, “I really appreciate you sharing how you feel,” can sustain the progress and build trust in the relationship.
Continue to Grow
Stonewalling has the potential to cause emotional harm, but it’s never too late to turn things around. Seek to understand why people stonewall and working collaboratively on solutions, so you can strengthen your emotional connection. Communication takes effort from both people, but the rewards—a more open, trusting, and loving bond—are well worth striving for.
If stonewalling has caused unresolved issues in your relationship, know that professional help is available. At Overcomers Counseling, we understand how important it is to rebuild communication and emotional closeness. Our team of relationship therapists is committed to helping you reconnect with your partner in a safe, supportive environment.
Call us today at 719-345-2424 or visit OvercomeWithUs.com to take the first step toward overcoming stonewalling and creating stronger, healthier relationships.
Your relationship deserves attention, care, and love—and by addressing stonewalling, you’re already taking a big step toward a brighter future together.

These self help strategies for students will you or someone you care about manage the education experience. The pressures surrounding the education process are everywhere, and these strategies can help one thrive. Subscribe for more from the Colorado Counseling Podcast by Overcomer's Counseling in Colorado Springs. 

In the latest episode of the Colorado Podcast, brought to you by Overcomers Counseling, we delve into the complex and often misunderstood world of grief. We explore what grief is, why we experience it, and how therapy and counseling approaches can help those who are grieving.
We begin by examining the nature of grief. From both philosophical and scientific perspectives, we discuss the reasons behind our experience of grief. This exploration provides listeners with a deeper understanding of this universal human experience.
One particularly intriguing aspect of grief that is discussed in this episode is the emotional reaction of anger. Drawing on insights from an article titled "5 Reasons Why Grieving People Get Angry", we dissect the relationship between grief and anger, providing a nuanced perspective on why these two emotions often coexist.
Our conversation then turns to the therapeutic approach to grief. Using the resources from Overcomers Counseling's dedicated pages on therapy for grief in Aurora and Colorado Springs grief therapists, we highlight the role of counseling in navigating grief. We also share some affirmations that can be helpful during the healing process.
Lastly, we address a common phenomenon associated with grief - its intensification during the night and early morning. The discussion is informed by insights from the article, "5 Reasons Why Grief Gets Worse at Night and Early Morning", shedding light on why grief can feel more overwhelming during these times.
This episode of the Colorado Podcast offers a comprehensive look at grief, providing listeners with valuable insights and resources to help them or their loved ones navigate the grieving process. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of this complex emotional journey and the support available through counseling and therapy.

In this episode, we discuss how to deal with embarrassing memories.
We'll start by exploring why such memories occur, based on insights from leading psychologists and experts.  We'll also discuss how these memories can trigger traumatic responses and why they can be so persistent.
We'll also share affirmations that you can use during moments of weakness. These affirmations are aimed at fostering self-love, acceptance, and resilience, helping you navigate through the discomfort these memories might bring.
If you're seeking help in managing trauma triggers, our team of licensed trauma therapists in Colorado Springs and Aurora, Colorado trauma counselors are here to support you. We understand the complexities of dealing with such triggers and offer personalized therapy tailored to your needs. For those who prefer convenience or need privacy, we also offer online therapy sessions, ensuring you can access the help you need no matter where you are.
Join us for this enlightening episode as we journey together towards understanding, managing, and overcoming embarrassing and intrusive memories.
 
 
How to Manage Embarrassing memories, OCD, and Trauma Triggers
Everyone has experienced moments that make them cringe—a misplaced joke, a stumble in public, or a memory that keeps replaying in your mind long after the incident. These embarrassing memories are a natural part of life, but for some, they can evoke deeper emotional triggers, stirring feelings of shame, anxiety, or even contributing to symptoms of depression. For individuals who have experienced trauma, these moments may even connect to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), where the memory can feel overwhelming, impacting their ability to respond to everyday situations with ease.
These instances often remind us of vulnerable times in our lives, triggering not just embarrassment but a cascade of emotions. Learn about these common reactions can help us make sense of the connection between embarrassment and trauma, fostering a path toward healing. If it’s finding ways to treat PTSD or exploring tools to process emotions, then the goal is to shift these experiences into something more positive. Let's take a look at how these moments intersect with mental health and well-being, and how strategies like acknowledging and even writing about them can help us cope with both simple embarrassment and more complex trauma-related triggers.
Embarrassing Memories and Their Impact
Picture this scenario shared during the podcast—a formal work event, laughter echoing through the room, and then you trip on the dance floor in front of everyone. The silence, the piercing gaze of the crowd, and that consuming feeling of wanting to disappear. Sounds familiar? For most people, such moments fade with time, chalked up as a silly mishap or a learning experience. But for others, these memories stick.
Sometimes, embarrassing memories go beyond surface-level discomfort. They can spark specific emotions such as shame, anxiety, or a racing heart, particularly for individuals dealing with PTSD symptoms or past traumatic experiences. The connection between these moments and trauma triggers becomes stronger when the memory is tied to a deeper hurt, such as exposure to past trauma like sexual abuse, neglect, or loss.
Trauma Triggers and Their Role
Trauma triggers are reminders—conscious or unconscious—that take us back to a traumatic event. They might emerge as sensory triggers, like certain smells or sounds, or as intrusive thoughts linked to past experiences. For trauma survivors, these reminders evoke reactions that mimic the original trauma’s emotional or physical sensations, often leaving the person feeling overwhelmed.
Here’s an important takeaway from the podcast—feeling triggered is not a sign of weakness. It’s your brain’s way of processing unresolved emotions linked to the trauma. For many survivors, triggers can manifest as sudden fear, flashbacks, feelings of panic, or physical discomfort like tightness in the chest. Recognizing these reactions as normal can be the first step toward healing.
Common Triggers
Triggers can stem from a variety of sources, and they’re different for everyone. Some examples include:
Specific locations where the traumatic experience occurred.
Certain smells associated with a distressing memory.
Sensory triggers, like hearing a particular sound or tone of voice.
Intrusive memories tied to the trauma.
Stressful situations that remind the person of their past self or a moment of weakness.
The impact of trauma feels deeply individual but also universally human. Understanding this allows us to approach our mental health with the empathy it demands.
Coping Strategies for Trauma Triggers
Dealing with trauma isn’t about erasing it from your memory but finding ways to live alongside it. Effective coping mechanisms can help manage the distressing symptoms associated with traumatic experiences or embarrassing memories. The podcast explored several helpful methods, including mindfulness techniques, therapeutic strategies, and healthy habits for emotional self-care.
Mindfulness to Stay in the Present Moment
One of the most powerful tools for interrupting a triggered response is mindfulness. By focusing on the present moment, you can ground yourself and regain mental clarity.
Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling in a daily diary allow you to focus on what’s happening right now instead of reliving the trauma.
Seek Professional Help
For those struggling with persistent or overwhelming responses, seeking support from a trained counselor can make all the difference.
Methods like Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and Prolonged Exposure Therapy are highly effective for trauma survivors. Therapists work with you to identify triggers, reshape thought patterns, and gradually reduce the intensity of emotional and physical reactions.
There is no shame in reaching out for professional support. Seek treatment if trauma triggers are interfering with your ability to live fully. Healing is a process, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
Self-Awareness and Other Coping Practices
Know your own triggers requires cultivating self-awareness. Reflect on what causes your reactions and why certain events or stimuli impact you deeply. Combining this understanding with coping strategies like grounding exercises, physical movement, or creative outlets can help diffuse tension over time. These practices reduce the emotional charge of triggers and strengthen your ability to recover from distressing moments.
Finding Connection and Growth
If embarrassing memories or trauma reminders feel too heavy, take heart in the knowledge that growth comes from facing these feelings head-on. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Laugh at your mistakes and use them to propel personal progress rather than letting them keep you stuck.
The podcast closes with an empowering reminder—not one awkward moment defines who you are. Embarrassment, like trauma, is part of being human. Every experience, no matter how painful, holds opportunities to heal, focus, and ultimately grow into the YOU that lives beyond the influence of trauma. Whether you’re facing memories, stress, or deep emotional pain, you have the inner resilience to overcome.
Overcomers Counseling Is Here for You
At Overcomers Counseling, we understand the complexity of trauma and the unique challenges faced by individuals. Our team is here to help you map out a healing path, offering personalized strategies to cope, find connections, and reclaim your mental well-being.
If you're ready to take the first step, reach out to our office today at 719-345-2424 or visit our website at overcomewithus.com. Whether it’s through therapy for PTSD, guidance to unlock your past self, or emotional tools tailored to you, we’re committed to your progress.
Trauma survivors don’t just overcome—they thrive. Thank you for reading, and don’t forget to tune in next time for more reflections, strategies, and discussions on our podcast. Together, we can transform challenges into stories of growth.
Our therapists accept many different types of insurance.
Closing Thoughts
Life is full of unpredictable, messy, and even awkward moments. Whether facing embarrassing memories, trauma triggers, or both, it’s human to feel stuck at times. But you are more than your past; you are a survivor with the ability to move forward toward healing.
Seek professional help, surround yourself with those who understand, and don’t hesitate to try different ways of managing triggers until you find what works for you. No moment, no memory, no trauma is stronger than the person you are building today.

Welcome to a new episode of the Colorado Counseling podcast, proudly presented by Overcomers Counseling. In today's insightful discussion, we explore the intricate world of narcissism - its diverse types, the impact it can have, and the unique challenges faced by those living or working around individuals with this personality type.
We delve deep into the different types of narcissists, shedding light on their distinct traits and behaviors. Understanding these variations is crucial in navigating interactions with such personalities effectively. You can learn more about this from our comprehensive guide on 6 Different Types of Narcissists.
One critical aspect often overlooked is that narcissists, too, can struggle with mental health issues like depression. In this episode, we discuss how narcissists can cope with depression, offering hope and practical strategies. Our blog post, 5 Ways Narcissists Can Cope With Depression, offers further insights on this topic.
If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, remember that help is available. Overcomers Counseling provides individual therapy sessions that can be a valuable resource in managing depression. We help provide Colorado Springs with Depression Therapy and other areas throughout Colorado. We also offer virtual therapy if you are not in the Colorado area
Whether you're seeking to understand narcissism better or searching for ways to cope with depression, our podcast aims to bring clarity and support.